Monday, 10 April 2017

Dinner or Training?

Assalamualaikum W.B.T and Hi.

It's been so long since my last view on my Roda Coklat Blog. I realized I'm not so active writing a post as before, maybe since I stop writing my diary while in the meantime, I got Instagram. Hahaha. But today, here I am. Crawling back to my Roda Coklat blog with my messy mind. I can't bear alone in this thoughts. But I don't have someone to tell what's going on my mind either which not important and may sound irrelevent to be confused about. Thank god, I'm much comfortable in expressing myself through writing. Well, I'm not good in having conversation and speaker. I can be running out an idea to continue the conversation and I think I'm a boring person to talk to. Some rather look on their phone as I talking, honestly, that's broke my confidence to speaking longer. Ok, enough with the flowery introduction.^^

Last week, an announce had been made in our group class's whatsapp. There will be a dinner for PPK Pembuatan in two weeks. I bet it will be held on Saturday night, as common dinner night time would be held. I would love to go to the dinner. However, something was bothering me. Saturday night? Isn't that Taekwondo training class also on saturday night? I miss meeting my friends from the taekwondo class. However, this dinner will be my last dinner with PPKP. 

Well, I firstly joined last year PPKP dinner and I end up sitting at a table with my seniors because I didn't find and recognized my housemate during entering the hall. Although, I'm the only girl in that table, lucky, I know some of the seniors, some of them were my Fencing Club members and some I know during the MASUM  while the others are their friends. We get along just fine, and I fine with that. Maybe it would happen naturally to those who do sport activities together, they can just be sporting. Since in the Fencing Club, we often do some fun game together in group. I guess that's why I comfortable being around them.

The Taekwondo training class, it's not like I'm taking any belt upgrading this semester. I just enjoy doing the training with others members which quite good together. Kind of activities that releasing the study burdens on my shoulder even for a moment. This semester, the members are very sporting. I'm also meeting friends from our SUKIPT team. Memories~ At the meantime, I'm getting know some new friends too. Oh ya, most of them are my junior. Well, I ain't getting any younger, right? Hahaha. It's hard to meet friends around my age.

Today, was the last register name for the PPKP dinner, and I just din't take any action. As the time passing by, I relieved. I don't have to choose anymore. By the way, just a point from my view, I think, even if it makes me tired, I might just happier joining the Taekwondo training than joining the dinner. Maybe the presence of some precious members that make me happy? I think so too. Hahaha. Even though, I just know them from last semester in those short period of time, I'm more comfortable being around them. 

There something come to my mind as I was trying to figure out which one should I join,

"I should do the one that make me happy the most, 
the place that I should be is the place where my heart want to be presence."

Saturday, 4 March 2017

Angau Story (Part 1)

Assalamualaikum Cintaa..

Hahahahak... asi ka intro begitu?? Lantak ar.. hahahaha

Starting from a few days ago, I'm having toothache due to my wisdom tooth. Despite all the pains, I received a lot of love and motivational words from my family and friends. Furthermore, I happen to meet my crush.. plural.. a few of them actually.. while several of them, are already belong to someone.. hahahaha, well, good for them.... anyways, yes, I met them either during my way to go to class, go to lunch, perform some event.. Things just happen that way, and I'm happy that I met them. hahaha

So, I'm coming soon to be 25 years old this year. Yet, I am single which also known as silent lover. However, I guess in this journey to 25 years old, I just let it go. Even, all these crush? Nothing so serious. After the 5 years of friendzone, moved on, I might just say, I not going to commit any crush on someone with seriously. Even I having a crush, I'm just go with the flow, because at the end, I know that, things would be end soon or later. So, just having fun with my life.

Somehow, when I starting to have crush on someone, unwanted the felt of jealousy is coming along. Lol hahaha. To end the jealousy thing, I need to stop having crush on him. So, that is the complexity in me. The safe way, I did was, just ignore. Even ignoring the facts that I like him. hahahaha.. Maybe this is why, I didn't say that I love him, because I'm not a lover. I just a girl who like people randomly.

To be continue...

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Which One Better...

Assalamualaikum W.B.T. and Hi.

Alhamdulillah, still breathing up until this moment in January 2017. I had been quite busying ever since my semester 7 at UniMAP had started. My last paper for semester 7 was on 10 January 2017 and I went back home at Sabah on 14 January 2017. It's been a while, I haven't update my blog with my life stories. I guess, I was too busy living my life in the real life then. 

My love life was stirred up at the beginning of the semester, but then, I guess, I was too busy, got caught with endless of task with project and playing games; just to add some fun, until I decided to learn to let those feeling go off from me. However, at the end, I felt empty and lonely as the night goes deepen. There is nothing that I could have done to get rid those get me in the silent dark of nights. As the I awake, the routine goes on, I forget and try to be alive, then back home on the blue steel table, I stumbleupon my inner mood.

I decided to let go love out of my life for a while. Then, I realized there are a list of things that I loss together with love. I lose the feeling of seeing the beautiful of flower. How the flawless of whiteness on it's petals. 

There is no peace loving flowing through the sight of blue sky. The wind blew even telling me slowly, the lonely step I took, walking alone on the side road.

I kept playing my favorite song as if I might felt something that close to the feeling when I being with someone. But, nothing as same as the feeling I felt before. Somehow, I felt that how the lovely songs used to be so lovely were turned bitter. But I kept those playing anyways, so I won't hear the silent was screaming loudly and felt the loneliness lingering around me.

Up until this point, I wonder which one is better.
Be miserable in love or feeling empty and lonely...