I have a small of hope

I have a small of hope.
I don't know and heard anything about him for a while.
I want to ask him but it took me hours just to create the question.
I just hope and wish.
I meet him somewhere even though that is impossible.
Recently, I keep thinking about him.
I know I shouldn't be like this.
It's been years since then.
There was nothing left.
He left me the unforgotten memories.
Thanks through him.
I learned some lesson through it.
However,
The laugh and happy memories.
Keep hurting inside silently.
I bear all of them through the time.
Even I know a way how to end all this.
But that wouldn't resolved all of it.
Because it already being a part of me.
Shape and fix some the worst of me.
Well, still in progress.
One of what he criticize was the volume of my voice.
I shout most of the time when I speak to the others.
It's hard for the first time,
So I learned the hard way to fix it myself.
I think a little bit better than before.
But then,
He no longer around.
To criticize me to be more women.
In his nice way.
I miss him.

He was so nice to me.
Just like the third character in love triangle drama.
Sometimes,
I think that he was just a dream.
One of my sweet dream.
Meet someone who treat me nice.
Be there to help me wherever he can.
If only that was just a dream.
I maybe already told him.
"Don't be so nice to me, or I will falling in love with you."
But it's not a dream,
And I couldn't told him that,
The moment I realize that he was so precious to me,
Is the moment I lose him.
On top all of that,
It was my fault.
My stupid mistake.

Now,
There is no use of telling him.
Because he is not around.
The distance widen more the gap between me and him.
Then I also don't have the courage to take things seriously.
That's why,
I try to forget him.
But the moment I trying to forget him.
Amazingly,
Seems like he know that he will be forgotten,
He sent me notification by liking my post.
But it just that.
Nothing more.
And the I forgot to forget him again.
Again and again.

I should try my best.
All the best, Amal.